During this year's parade, I had a brilliant idea to snap some epic photos of all the outrageous floats. However, knowing I’d be too busy catching beads (because who doesn’t want a small plastic treasure?), I thought, “Why not sneak into the parking lot where they’re stored?” Easy plan, right? Let me just say, DO NOT DO THAT!

So there I was, trying to be sneaky, planning to take my photos before the floats left for the parade. I felt like a wildlife photographer tracking a rare species. Unfortunately, my plan went downhill faster than a float with a broken axle!

Out of nowhere, a federal marshal jumped out as if he were auditioning for a cop show! He handcuffed me like I was Public Enemy #1! “You’re breaking the law!” he declared, and I was like, “Dude, I’m just trying to take pictures, not rob a bank!” He insisted on seeing my ID while I awkwardly tried to explain that it was in my truck, which my wife was probably freaking out about, seeing me in cuffs!

“What truck?” he asked, as if I were hiding a UFO or something. “The ‘Termor!’” I shouted, pointing at it like a game show contestant trying to win big. “It’s towing the ‘Oliver’ right over there on the corner, with that sexy blonde looking horrified!” (I swear, she looked like she was about to call 911!)

Then he asked me what my license plate said. “Uh, WE0000?” I stuttered, feeling like I was on trial. “I’m a professional water operator for Cameron Parish, SWLA!”

“Nice rig,” he said, uncuffing me with a smirk. “Just be sure to stay out of the parking lot during the parade!”

I replied, “Dude, we could use you on the border!” He chuckled and said, “No thanks, I’m happy right here with these floats!”

I couldn’t help myself and added, “I guess these parade floats hold more significance than the borders of the U.S.!” 

While I was disappointed that my daring photo mission had gone wrong, I’ve decided to start a new career as a “Professional Border Watcher—for Parade Floats!” Who knew capturing beads and dodging marshals could be so adventurous?